Scarred for Life

This girl, she's got a twisted mind
it draws me in, I'm mesmerized
Beautiful, both inside out,
Has she not yet realized?

A mysterious aura shrouds her life
Each teardrop leaves a tiny trail
A secret hides behind her gaze
Her eyes conceal an untold tale

Each heartbeat tells its very own story
Of lies, deceit and unimaginable sin
Of life and love and yet of neither
One word and I am pulled right in.

Like the water in a brook
Her words flow soft and measured
Like jewels from the deep
Her words are to be treasured.

She comes and goes as she pleases
In my life and in my heart
She pulls me together, keeps me intact
Though on the inside, she's torn apart.

For in those sweet, musical words
Hides a sad, painful score
As deeply as I do love her
Her misery, I do abhor.

Every time she feels my love
The past floods back to her mind
The scars are raw, still too fresh
A wreckage, left behind.

She's my reason for survival
Without her, I can't exist
She draws me in with every breath
And yet I must desist.

A New Beginning

I look towards the setting sun
As it magnificently descends
Wipe a tear, off my cheek
So this is how it ends.

Broken and defeated
Miserable and alone
Crouching in the shadows
No one to call my own.

Living in the past
The present looms so dark
But the future is, what's truly terrifying
A blank page, not a single mark.

What do I do? Who do I blame?
Where do I go from here?
At every step, at every turn
Lurks my worst fear.

I walk alone, on the path I chose
I blindly stumble along
Is this what I once truly wanted?
Somehow, it feels so wrong.

I dreamt of a heaven, of a paradise
A life that I loved to live
Free of the evils that plagued my mind
No sins left to forgive.

But what did I get? My own little hell
The demon within me stirs
The line between right and wrong
Once clear, now it blurs.

How did I end up where I stand right now?
Why do I feel less alive than dead?
How am I supposed to see what's unseen?
And hear what's been left unsaid?

Its time to give up
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to embrace the truth
Cause its my time to die.

I head towards the light
The coldness seeps into each bone
But then I hear a faint, pleading voice
One long forgotten but which I had once known.

It was the voice of reason
It was my inner voice
And suddenly, the doubt was gone
I always have a choice.

Do what you love, love what you do
My life is mine to live
Hate may eat me up from within
But I still have love to give.

Its time to get back up
Its time to try once more
Its time to reclaim, my own life back
Its time to settle the score.

I have to prove them wrong
Fight till the fear is gone
Accepting defeat is no longer an option
I'll endure and I will go on.

I may feel weak and beaten
But I won't give up without a fight
For in the end, I know in my heart
Everything will be alright.

I look towards the rising sun
Beyond what I can comprehend
Its time for a new beginning
Or is it just another end?

One Reality

Clawing me from within
This uncertainty is killing me
My life a million pieces,
Are dreams now my reality?

Crying when I smile
Dying while I live
Deserted by the ones I love
And you expect me to forgive?

Living a nightmare every day
Escape is not a choice
I try to shout out for help
But why can't anyone hear my voice?

Awake and yet, I am in slumber
My eyes wide open but my mind is asleep
I try to smile, it gives me some hope
Then why does my heart continue to weep?

Tears of joy, a stray sad smile
Hope riding on a few drops of rain
A ray of light shining through the dark
How will I live through all this pain?

The light flickers and then fades out
The rain slows down and then its gone
I lie in a corner, I cry in the dark
If I'm dead inside, how can my life go on?

Tell me the answers, tell me the truth
I hope this isn't something that you would make up.
Is this the only way to know,
Must I really die to truly wake up?

Reality is overrated
Who decides what's wrong and what's right?
I close my eyes and open my mind
And wait for the night.

Infected

Each drop of rain, the warmth of the sun
Every gust of wind, the silver moonlight
I'd give it up, for you, I would
But are you really worth the sacrifice?

Every step taken towards you
Towards my doom it sends
I'm at the edge, and yet I can't stop
Is this how you'd thought it ends?

What happened to forever?
What happened to the promises,
That were never to be broken?
What changed us so much?
What made us utter those words,
That were never to be spoken?

I'm confused. I'm lost.
Don't know what to say
I need a savior right now
But you need to go away.

My eyes are still damp
My heart still aches
Weighed down, by all this guilt
That stems from my mistakes.

You were like a tiny raindrop
You were once the warmth in my life
The gust of wind that blew through my hair
You were my silver moonlight.

I want you, I need you
Please come back to me
Love me or kill me
But please just set me free.

I am heartless, I am soulless
Just leave me alone
Stab me or save me
Still have no one to call my own.

Disorientation hits me
As I try to stand
Realization dawns
As I look for your hand.

I love you and hate you
On the very same page
You've filled my heart
With passion and blind rage.

You gave me a dream to hold on to
I kept it alive, despite all my flaws
Only to watch as it inexplicably vanished
An illusion is what it truly was.

This isn't love, not anymore
This isn't the heaven we built
You see this lie, that you call life?
The fantasy is dead, all that's left is the guilt.

I am numb, I am tired,
I am dead.
I am beaten, I have lost,
I am infected.

You

Every time I stumble
Every time I trip
Every time I falter
Every time I slip.

Your hand extends, down to help
Your heart comes out to me
To pull me up, back onto my feet
And rid me of my misery

I loved and then I lost
I sat and cried for hours
You made me smile that night, you know?
As I lay under those stars.

I asked you for a shoulder
You picked me up instead
I felt like I meant the world to you
When I thought I was better off dead.

I'm sad, you make me laugh
I cry, you understand
I'm mad, you let me blow off my rage
I'm lost, you hold my hand.

For every time you've been there for me
Together till the end
For everything you've done for me
Together forever, my friend.

Past Mistakes

Lies, deceit and all my sins
All the times I've failed
To relive our love story
My heart now lies impaled

Our love flashes before my eyes
Over the past my heart now frets
At all the betrayals and heartbreaks
And a million past regrets

The sadness envelops my heart
No matter how hard I try
To reject it, along with you, from my life
All I can do is wonder why.

Death gleefully beckons to me
Life now says farewell
Paradise slips from my grasp
As I slip into hell.

My demons come to haunt me now
The devil takes over my soul
My mind, overpowered, by the darkness
Misery now, takes its toll.

Save me, from this torture
Rescue me, from my demise
Free me, from this web I've spun
With a million little lies.

Point the knife at my heart
Hold the gun to my head
Thrust the blade, pull the trigger
Can I die if I'm already dead?

The hatred sears through my body
Revenge shivers under my skin
Anger burns in my every thought
Despair tears me, from within.

I lie alone, as the sunlight fades
My dying heart now breaks
As I think back, to our love story
And a million past mistakes.

The Last Raindrop

Looking through the frosted window
Looking and yet not truly seeing
Contemplating life's next move
Picking up the broken pieces
Once the essence, of my true being.

The drops of rain
so clear and serene
Like a heart, free of all evil
Like a newborn child, for who
Life's darkness, is still unseen.

The clouds, they gather and form a ball
Of darkness and fury and rage
And the sunlight,
Finds no escape
From this hideous, twisted cage.

And yet I stand, beneath this gloom
And drench my wounded soul
In the ethereal drops
From heaven they fall
And down my face they roll.

Like ice it stings, every drop
Like a painful, poisonous bite
From a snake
A snake within me
That I can never fight.

The cleansing has commenced, I know
My soul starts shedding its layers
Till all that remains
Is truly me
I say my final prayers.

I pray to no god, no spirit, no maker
I pray to no one for salvation
I pray to myself
To my true being,
The essence of my creation.

The downpour gains a lethal fury
That mankind has never known
The end of the days
Upon us, has set
The last calm breeze has blown.

The earth, it groans, and then cracks up
Remorseless as it destroys
Everything,
That crosses its path
Against nature, work no ploys.

Fires raging, at every step
Fueled by rains of acid
I start running
In my blind panic
Till I notice my soul's still placid.

The destruction is not around me
The fires all rage within
The acid is inside me
Each crack,
Another sin.

I stand up now, with renewed vigor
Ready, with a fresh new will
To take on my fears
Both around and within
To conquer the unconquerable hill.

I look through the frosted window
At the raindrops, as they fall
Looking and also seeing
My soul now, pure and true
I stand here and wait for you.