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Sunday, 17 March 2013

Memory


The same spot. The usual table. She sat at the coffee house with a gloomy look.

Nothing in particular bothered her, and yet everything seemed to be jumping on to the wrong track.



It was raining outside.
She looked out of the window, tracing the trail of a raindrop. It followed a strange pattern, that raindrop. No path in particular, yet destined to fall on the ground.
She connected with that drop.
Connected with how the raindrop, like herself, fought the battle of being important versus been left as insignificant..
She turned her gaze to her table, staring aimlessly at it, glancing at the same small doodles that had been present on it, before she had become a regular customer.
She scanned through them, not impressed by any. She stared at the table with such intensity, as if expecting answers to her problems from the table itself.
That's when she saw it.
A new one. A tiny, fresh doodle.
Beautifully written, with a bold blue pen. The words seem to follow the rules of cursive writing and yet the whole sentence seemed to be mocking her.

"When you feel low, I'll give you a hug"
A tiny cartoon stared back at her, wording it's action.

Her emotions blinding her, she scribbled something furiously, right below that doodle and got up and left, a sense of disgust, anger and hopelessness overcoming her.




This isn't how she'd always been. She was usually one of the most cheerful people to be around, always a bundle of joy, bringing smiles to people's faces by her sheer presence. Even in the most adverse situations, she would look up, smile and keep on walking, as if unfazed by the hardships faced by other mortals.
She worked two jobs, had a loving family back in her hometown and a pet dog, Timothy, who she adored more than her life. She was the kind of girl one could expect to see dancing gleefully in the rain in the middle of the night.


But that was before. Only a memory now.


She'd first seen him at the park.
She used to go to the park every evening, right when she changed shifts, to go over from her first job to her second. She'd go and sit on the bench, her favorite bench, the one along the track that ran through the park. She'd sit there, everyday and observe the hundreds of people that passed her. Some were lost in their own worlds, completely oblivious to her presence, others had come to recognize her, they would even greet her warmly and talk to her for a bit. She would sit and observe all these people, sit and take in all the tiny details. The old couple from down the street, who came every day at five, walking hand in hand, as they looked each other in the eyes and smiled, reminded of their exuberant youthfulness that now remained only within their hearts. The little boy from the big mansion uptown who came and sat with her and had her read a story to him every other day. The homeless man from the streets who shared a sandwich with her everyday, probably the only proper meal he got to enjoy throughout the day. The retired colonel who lived in the little grey house behind the park, who sat with her and told her war stories, not of blood and gore and gruesome killings, but of love and friendship and hope, as they did the daily crossword together.

There were countless others, who came to the park. Some saw her, others did not. She saw them all.
She smiled at every single one of them.


That was before. Only a memory.


It had been a Friday evening. The end of a long, tiring week. To most people in the city, it meant a weekend of fun, relaxation and partying to look forward to, but not to her. She had her studies to catch up with. One couldn't become a lawyer without putting some serious hard work into it.
She faced the park entrance. Something felt different.
It was her instincts speaking again. She had learnt a long time ago to trust her instincts, they had seldom been proven wrong.
She walked in anyways, to her bench, her favorite bench and sat down. The old couple passed right by her. The wife seemed to be having a little trouble walking, she noticed. Her husband had a concerned look on his face as he helped her maintain her balance and she couldn't help but notice the hint of sadness that had crept into their eyes.

She pulled out the paper bag with the sandwiches from her purse and almost immediately, as if on cue, Matt showed up. They sat and ate the sandwiches, not looking at each other, not saying a word, simply content to enjoy the pleasures nature had gifted them with that they took in with all the senses. He got up and left with a silent thank you, not said out aloud, but reflected in his eyes.

She had a long weekend ahead of her, she thought to herself, wondering how she was going to finish the course she'd set aside for these two days and find enough time to pick up new curtains for her apartment.

That's when she saw him.

In an old and worn out, but rather comfortable looking pair of jeans, coupled with a blue sweatshirt, he came shuffling down the path, his face hung low, his eyes lowered, staring at the same spot two feet in front of his legs the entire time. He'd almost walked past her when he suddenly stopped.

He turned around to face her, she wasn't sure whether to be scared or not. Before she could figure out what was happening, he was holding a flower in front of her, seemingly pulled out of thin air.

It was a tiny white lily. She stood there, stunned, at a loss for words. And then he smiled. He had the most infectious smile in the world. She'd never seen a smile like that! It was a smile that could rid you of sadness, turn your misery into joy, make you smile while you were crying, make you feel glad to be alive. That smile could make autumn turn to spring, it could make mountains seem easy to scale, it could melt the coldest of hearts, it could make one fall in love.
Almost as if on its own, her hand stretched out, accepting the flower, her face returning the smile.

And though most people found the story a little too far-fetched and romantic, filled with too much drama, that's how it had been. That's how they'd first met.

They'd met again the next week, and the day after that and the day after that too. Every day, she would wait for him on her favorite bench. At half past five, he would show up, always clutching onto a lily that he presented to her with a flourish and the smile, that smile.


That was before. A memory.


He worked a job at a coffee house downtown, which he took her to one weekend. They had the best chocolate muffins ever, he told her.
She sat at a table overlooking the window, from where she could observe the people who passed her.

There was a crash as the door swung open and a petite young girl ran into the room. Her red eyes made it quite evident she'd been crying.
She was wearing an apron just like his, which indicated she worked here too. He took one look at her and strode right up to the girl.
She was almost whimpering now, apparently about to burst into tears all over again.

He grabbed onto her shoulders, pulled her face up so she was looking at him and said to her in what was a whisper, but seemed to reverberate around the room louder than any other sentence muttered in the vicinity, "Don't cry? Remember what I told you? When you feel low, I'll give you a hug", following this up with a hug that the girl almost sank into.

She'd been seeing all this from her table at the window. She knew what was happening, but she wasn't sure if it wasn't just a dream.

She had fallen in love with him.

He came and sat with her, bringing with him freshly baked muffins, two cups of coffee and his infectious smile. They sat there as they ate and drank. They talked about almost every topic under the sun and laughed together at the most absurd things imaginable.
He showed her the doodles on the tables, drawn by customers as they waited for their muffins to be popped out of the oven. There was one of a dog running around in circles trying to catch its own tail below which the artist had scribbled the word 'Life'. Another one was of a sign which proclaimed 'Studies. Sleep. Life. Choose any two.' She was rather amused how this particular doodle hit so close to home.


Before. A memory.


Why had it been him? It was supposed to be her. She was the one who hadn’t been careful. She was the one who had been at fault. Why had he paid the price?
She was furious at the old man who’d been driving the car, she was enraged at herself, she was mad at her boss for giving her a leave on that day, she was angry at the world for taking away from her the one thing that meant the world to her.

The funeral was a quiet affair, but it was attended by hundreds of people. Not a single one of them was related to him, yet they all spoke of him as if he was one of the closest people in their lives.
She stood by her own, in a dark corner, refusing to accept the fate life had handed out to her.
It wasn’t just, it wasn’t right, it simply wasn’t fair.


Before. Memory.


The same spot. The usual table. She sat at the coffee house with a gloomy look. Nothing in particular bothered her, and yet everything seemed to be jumping on to the wrong track.

It was raining outside.
She looked out of the window, tracing the trail of a raindrop. It followed a strange pattern, that raindrop. No path in particular, yet destined to fall on the ground.
She connected with that drop.
Connected with how the raindrop, like herself, fought the battle of being important versus been left as insignificant..
She turned her gaze to her table, staring aimlessly at it, glancing at the same small doodles that had been present on it, before she had become a regular customer.
She scanned through them, not impressed by any. She stared at the table with such intensity, as if expecting answers to her problems from the table itself.

That's when she saw it.
A new one. A tiny, fresh doodle.
Beautifully written, with a bold blue pen. The words seem to follow the rules of cursive writing and yet the whole sentence seemed to be mocking her.

"When you feel low, I'll give you a hug."
A tiny cartoon stared back at her, wording it's action.

Her emotions blinding her, she scribbled something furiously, right below that doodle and got up and left, a sense of disgust, anger and hopelessness overcoming her.

Etched underneath the doodle, her words shone under the overhead lamp.
“I need a hug, I’m finally coming to you to get one.”


Memory.





Credits: The combined genius of these two, right here.
I'd also appreciate if you could comment with your interpretation of the story itself.


Friday, 28 September 2012

Black and White


The time has come, the end is near
The Sun's just about to set
Its time to die, yet I know no fear
And my heart feels no regret.

I look down at my blood stained hands
I stumble, drop the knife
You said you wished you knew me better?
Welcome to my life.

Nightmares that come true every night
Dreams shattered every day
Hopes crushed, with every moment
A life filled with dismay.

I'm tired of this placed I used
to call my home before
it burned down, to this pile of ashes
Can't take this hell no more.

Can you help me? I am lost.
Can you help me find the way?
The night is upon us, and I am alone,
If I ask you, will you stay?

Remember when this used to be
paradise on Earth?
Remember when each word I said
to you, held some worth?

I'm speechless now, tongue-tied for words
Though there's so much left to say
I want my answers in black and white
Yet all I see are shades of grey.

The light beckons for me to follow
Can't tell what's wrong, what's right
The world goes black around me
And then I see the flash of white.

Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Another Apology

Love was all I wanted
To give and to receive
My words, from the heart
I wish you could believe.

I've broken what I can't mend
I've ruined what can't be replaced
Shattered what can't be fixed again
Can't find what I should have never misplaced.

I can see the hate inside you
The fire that's burning your soul
Consuming you from within
As it threatens to devour you whole.

And yet you're not alone
I simply hide my tears in the rain
As I hold on to the tiny pieces
Of my life that still remain.

The poison flows through my veins
And eats me from inside
My tears, I may conceal
But these scars are tough to hide.

I didn't mean to deceive you
I never meant to lie
I didn't mean to break your heart
Hadn't planned that last goodbye.

Guilt will be my killer
Pain will be my release
Death will be my salvation
Cause its time to rest in peace.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

A Night to Remember

It was around a quarter to twelve last Friday night. My dad was returning home by metro and had asked me to pick him up from the Huda City Centre Metro Station. It wasn't the first time I had picked him up like this, even at this odd hour. I was waiting for him on the other side of the road, right in front of the temple.

Looking behind me, I noticed the Police check post, just a few metres away and wondered what the policemen inside might be up to. However, not much was visible as most of the street lamps were either switched off or not functioning.

Checking the time, I realized it was almost midnight so I called up my dad to find out how much longer he would take. He mentioned that he has already gotten off the train which had just arrived and would take just a few minutes more to reach where I was standing when two guys whom I'd never seen before pulled up on a bike next to me.
At first, being on a call, I didn't realize that they were talking to me. Suddenly, without warning, the one riding pillion shoved me back, catching me completely off guard. Before I could even ask him what happened or what it was he wanted, he got off the bike and I noticed for the first time that he was holding a thick wooden 'lathi', the kind carried around by guards and beat cops. Without a word, he swung the lathi over his head and hit me on my right shoulder. Before I could back off, or even put up my guard, he swung the lathi yet again, this time landing it with a deafening thud, on my head. I could hear his mate, the guy driving, asking him to stop and get back onto the bike. It made no effect whatsoever on the attacker though, who seemed to be drunk and even at that moment, had a cigarette in his mouth.

I was almost paralyzed with shock after the blow to my head and barely had
time to react when he hit me for the third time, once again on the head. It was only after this third blow that I suddenly realized I needed to get away from these people. I started running away from them right away. The guy who had attacked me got back onto the bike to flee but even as they fled, he hit me once again on my right leg. Before I had even realized what had transpired or had recovered enough to note down the registration number of the bike, they were gone. It was only then that I realized my father had heard almost half the incident over the phone. I quickly called him up again, and asked him to get to me as soon as possible. Within a few seconds, he came running across the road to where I was standing, clutching my head. We immediately rushed to Paras Hospital where I was rushed into the Emergency Room.

Six stitches, three x-rays and over two hours later, I finally walked out of the Emergency Room and the Hospital.

The next morning, An Assistant Sub-Inspector from the Sushant Lok Police Station came to my house to collect a formal statement from me as a follow up to the medico-legal case that had been filed by the hospital itself the previous night. He was very helpful but seemed surprised that I had no idea who these guys were. In his opinion the possibility of finding these men was remote as I did not recognise them.

All in all, this was definitely one of the most random acts of completely
unnecessary violence I've ever witnessed or experienced.
Add to this the fact that I was barely a few meters from the Police check post
and one can't help but wonder, is Gurgaon really a so called 'Millennium City' during the daytime, but turns into a nightmare for an ordinary citizen showing its true, ugly face during the night, when most people are fast asleep inside their homes?

- Salil Shahane

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Last Mile

Walking through this wasteland
trudging through this dirt
I try to look, for my dream
But my mind remains inert.

I look towards the horizon
Face the rising sun
I may feel tired and beaten
But my journey has just begun.

All around me, broken pieces
These shards litter my path,
Of broken dreams, dying souls
Will I survive the aftermath?

All of a sudden, I'm jolted awake
As the truth, I realise
My life is the dream I get to live
All other dreams, are lies.

Is this my final destination?
Is this the answer I sought?
Have I unraveled the mystery?
Is this my dream or not?

Have i found what I was looking for,
Or was my search futile?
Just one way to find out
I've got to walk another mile.

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

You're my Sunshine


The raindrops fall, onto my face
And roll down, to meet the dew
The night beckons for me to come
But I'll still come back to you.

A star shoots across the sky
Painting the sky with its light
My heart flooding, with so many wishes
Yet its you I wish for tonight.

No matter how far you are
Your heart, my heart will find
You might not be in my arms
But you're all that's on my mind.

I close my eyes, then open them again
To the most wondrous sight
The meeting of the night and the day
And I still think of you in the twilight.

I'll come back to you, every time
The world may be false, but I'll stay true
I'll never let go, never give up
Because all I want is you.

All I want is you
You're my own tiny spot of sunshine
Look into my eyes and tell me
My love, will you be mine?

Monday, 18 June 2012

Dance with Me?

The distance might feel
Like a million light years
But when I think of you
The sadness disappears.

We've been together
Through life's highs and lows
Ambling along
On the path we chose.

If you fall, I pick you up
If I stumble, you give me your hand
If you're unsure, I lead the way
If I'm all spent, you help me stand.

No care for the world, not a single concern
We skip along, through our fantasy
No worry too big, no problem too huge
We dance along, just you and me.

Dance with me, let's dance again?
I want to dance with you, dance in the rain.
Hold on tight, don't let go of me,
Cause I'll dance with you till eternity!