Black and White

The time has come, the end is near
The Sun's just about to set
Its time to die, yet I know no fear
And my heart feels no regret.

I look down at my blood stained hands
I stumble, drop the knife
You said you wished you knew me better?
Welcome to my life.

Nightmares that come true every night
Dreams shattered every day
Hopes crushed, with every moment
A life filled with dismay.

I'm tired of this placed I used
to call my home before
it burned down, to this pile of ashes
Can't take this hell no more.

Can you help me? I am lost.
Can you help me find the way?
The night is upon us, and I am alone,
If I ask you, will you stay?

Remember when this used to be
paradise on Earth?
Remember when each word I said
to you, held some worth?

I'm speechless now, tongue-tied for words
Though there's so much left to say
I want my answers in black and white
Yet all I see are shades of grey.

The light beckons for me to follow
Can't tell what's wrong, what's right
The world goes black around me
And then I see the flash of white.

Another Apology

Love was all I wanted

To give and to receive

My words, from the heart

I wish you could believe.

I've broken what I can't mend

I've ruined what can't be replaced

Shattered what can't be fixed again

Can't find what I should have never misplaced.

I can see the hate inside you

The fire that's burning your soul

Consuming you from within

As it threatens to devour you whole.

And yet you're not alone

I simply hide my tears in the rain

As I hold on to the tiny pieces

Of my life that still remain.

The poison flows through my veins

And eats me from inside

My tears, I may conceal

But these scars are tough to hide.

I didn't mean to deceive you

I never meant to lie

I didn't mean to break your heart

Hadn't planned that last goodbye.

Guilt will be my killer

Pain will be my release

Death will be my salvation

Cause its time to rest in peace.

A Night to Remember

It was around a quarter to twelve last Friday night. My dad was returning home by metro and had asked me to pick him up from the Huda City Centre Metro Station. It wasn't the first time I had picked him up like this, even at this odd hour. I was waiting for him on the other side of the road, right in front of the temple.

Looking behind me, I noticed the Police check post, just a few metres away and wondered what the policemen inside might be up to. However, not much was visible as most of the street lamps were either switched off or not functioning.

Checking the time, I realized it was almost midnight so I called up my dad to find out how much longer he would take. He mentioned that he has already gotten off the train which had just arrived and would take just a few minutes more to reach where I was standing when two guys whom I'd never seen before pulled up on a bike next to me.

At first, being on a call, I didn't realize that they were talking to me. Suddenly, without warning, the one riding pillion shoved me back, catching me completely off guard. Before I could even ask him what happened or what it was he wanted, he got off the bike and I noticed for the first time that he was holding a thick wooden 'lathi', the kind carried around by guards and beat cops. Without a word, he swung the lathi over his head and hit me on my right shoulder. Before I could back off, or even put up my guard, he swung the lathi yet again, this time landing it with a deafening thud, on my head. I could hear his mate, the guy driving, asking him to stop and get back onto the bike. It made no effect whatsoever on the attacker though, who seemed to be drunk and even at that moment, had a cigarette in his mouth.

I was almost paralyzed with shock after the blow to my head and barely had

time to react when he hit me for the third time, once again on the head. It was only after this third blow that I suddenly realized I needed to get away from these people. I started running away from them right away. The guy who had attacked me got back onto the bike to flee but even as they fled, he hit me once again on my right leg. Before I had even realized what had transpired or had recovered enough to note down the registration number of the bike, they were gone. It was only then that I realized my father had heard almost half the incident over the phone. I quickly called him up again, and asked him to get to me as soon as possible. Within a few seconds, he came running across the road to where I was standing, clutching my head. We immediately rushed to Paras Hospital where I was rushed into the Emergency Room.

Six stitches, three x-rays and over two hours later, I finally walked out of the Emergency Room and the Hospital.

The next morning, An Assistant Sub-Inspector from the Sushant Lok Police Station came to my house to collect a formal statement from me as a follow up to the medico-legal case that had been filed by the hospital itself the previous night. He was very helpful but seemed surprised that I had no idea who these guys were. In his opinion the possibility of finding these men was remote as I did not recognise them.

All in all, this was definitely one of the most random acts of completely

unnecessary violence I've ever witnessed or experienced.

Add to this the fact that I was barely a few meters from the Police check post

and one can't help but wonder, is Gurgaon really a so called 'Millennium City' during the daytime, but turns into a nightmare for an ordinary citizen showing its true, ugly face during the night, when most people are fast asleep inside their homes?

- Salil Shahane

Last Mile

Walking through this wasteland

trudging through this dirt

I try to look, for my dream

But my mind remains inert.

I look towards the horizon

Face the rising sun

I may feel tired and beaten

But my journey has just begun.

All around me, broken pieces

These shards litter my path,

Of broken dreams, dying souls

Will I survive the aftermath?

All of a sudden, I'm jolted awake

As the truth, I realise

My life is the dream I get to live

All other dreams, are lies.

Is this my final destination?

Is this the answer I sought?

Have I unraveled the mystery?

Is this my dream or not?

Have i found what I was looking for,

Or was my search futile?

Just one way to find out

I've got to walk another mile.

You're my Sunshine

The raindrops fall, onto my face
And roll down, to meet the dew
The night beckons for me to come
But I'll still come back to you.

A star shoots across the sky
Painting the sky with its light
My heart flooding, with so many wishes
Yet its you I wish for tonight.

No matter how far you are
Your heart, my heart will find
You might not be in my arms
But you're all that's on my mind.

I close my eyes, then open them again
To the most wondrous sight
The meeting of the night and the day
And I still think of you in the twilight.

I'll come back to you, every time
The world may be false, but I'll stay true
I'll never let go, never give up
Because all I want is you.

All I want is you
You're my own tiny spot of sunshine
Look into my eyes and tell me
My love, will you be mine?

Dance with Me?

The distance might feel
Like a million light years
But when I think of you
The sadness disappears.

We've been together
Through life's highs and lows
Ambling along
On the path we chose.

If you fall, I pick you up
If I stumble, you give me your hand
If you're unsure, I lead the way
If I'm all spent, you help me stand.

No care for the world, not a single concern
We skip along, through our fantasy
No worry too big, no problem too huge
We dance along, just you and me.

Dance with me, let's dance again?
I want to dance with you, dance in the rain.
Hold on tight, don't let go of me,
Cause I'll dance with you till eternity!

Regrets

These little ripples that only I can see
As they vanish, leaving behind no trace
Tiny waves that stir the water
As the tears roll off my face.

I can't do this alone
Helplessly outnumbered, weaker every day
The darkness seems to be claiming my life
I'll be forced to give up, I see no other way.

I need you to hear me out
I want you to understand
I hope you'll be there when I need you,
To walk with me, to hold my hand.

Its time for me to come clean
Its time the world should know
Been holding on, to the past for too long
Its time for me to let go.

I'm lost, will you show me the light?
I'm drowning, will you make the dive?
I'm broken, will you pick up the pieces?
I'm dying, will you help me survive?

Questions that remain unanswered
A life without a song
A poem that lacks a soul
It all just feels so wrong.

If misery is an illusion, happiness is a dream.
A single regret is what makes my heart bleed.
If life is a puzzle, love is the solution.
If I am the question, can you be the answer I need?

A Beautiful Mistake

I hear the sounds of the waves as they roll
Onto the shores of my dreams
Adding music to my life even as
My mind, in agony, screams.

I'm staring blankly at the wall
Till my vision begins to blur
Shouting into the emptiness
Till my speech begins to slur.

So much pain, so much misery,
How do I live with the past?
So many skeletons in the closet,
How am I supposed to last?

How was I supposed to know
how wrong a path I tread?
How was I supposed to hear
The words you left unsaid?

I wish you'd left a clue
I wish my life made sense
I wish I wasn't so broken
Just by your absence.

An honest little blunder
I never foresaw I'd make
But I can't deny you were
Truly, a beautiful mistake.

One in a Million

A million faces in the crowd
Yet your's is the one I see
A million hearts beat as one
All I want is your's to beat for me.

You were all I wanted, back in my arms
Without you, I felt incomplete
You're all that I yearned for now
I wondered if our hearts would meet.

You looked around, you looked for me
You looked so lost, as you searched for a clue
I waited quietly, in the shadows
I sat there, and I looked at you.

I wasn't certain, of how I truly felt
The feelings swept me in waves
But its not about being sure, or right
What matters is what the heart craves.

In my heart, I called out to her
My lips uttered just her name
Silently she walked to me
And back into my arms she came.

Afterlife

The moment is upon me, what do I do?
Its time for the leap, but I'm still unsure
You may have gotten me till this far
But this is too much for my heart to endure.

Don't take all this away from me
I've got too much to lose, so much to hide
If I leave now, there's no more tomorrow
There's nothing for me on the other side.

Tell me now, will you hold my hand?
Tell me you love me, tell me you care?
Look into my eyes and dive into my heart,
I need you right now, will you be there?

Why do I see you walking away?
You found me, you discovered my soul.
Without you I'm empty, I'm worse than dead,
Come back now! I need you to be whole!

I'm completely infected, you're inside me now,
You're killing me yet I need you to survive.
Its too late now for me to be rescued,
Its too late to walk out of this alive.

I thought our love was invincible,
How did we end up with so many flaws?
Why did the dreams blow up in smoke?
Everything was perfect, till nothing was.

Am I lost forever, in this maze called life?
I can't seem to find, any way out.
Have I lost myself or have I lost my mind?
I'm unable to rid my heart of doubt.

There's too many threads to just let go,
Too many ties I'm too weak to undo.
But so much is at stake, the odds are too high,
Its my life, I need to think it through.

Maybe I need to step back a little,
Let go off the threads, clear my mind.
Why walk around, with a heavy heart?
When I can be free and leave the pain behind?

I choose to endure, I choose to fight,
It may be the last war I ever wage.
I choose to go on, even though I realize,
It may be my story's very last page.

The moment is upon me, I know what to do,
I'm sure now, Its time for a leap.
You may have gotten me till this far,
But its time for my heart to be mine to keep.

Take what you want, take what you need,
I've got nothing to lose, nothing to hide.
I may leave but I won't be gone for long,
Cause I'll see you on the other side.
Cause Angel I'll see you in the Afterlife.

Scarred for Life

This girl, she's got a twisted mind
it draws me in, I'm mesmerized
Beautiful, both inside out,
Has she not yet realized?

A mysterious aura shrouds her life
Each teardrop leaves a tiny trail
A secret hides behind her gaze
Her eyes conceal an untold tale

Each heartbeat tells its very own story
Of lies, deceit and unimaginable sin
Of life and love and yet of neither
One word and I am pulled right in.

Like the water in a brook
Her words flow soft and measured
Like jewels from the deep
Her words are to be treasured.

She comes and goes as she pleases
In my life and in my heart
She pulls me together, keeps me intact
Though on the inside, she's torn apart.

For in those sweet, musical words
Hides a sad, painful score
As deeply as I do love her
Her misery, I do abhor.

Every time she feels my love
The past floods back to her mind
The scars are raw, still too fresh
A wreckage, left behind.

She's my reason for survival
Without her, I can't exist
She draws me in with every breath
And yet I must desist.

A New Beginning

I look towards the setting sun
As it magnificently descends
Wipe a tear, off my cheek
So this is how it ends.

Broken and defeated
Miserable and alone
Crouching in the shadows
No one to call my own.

Living in the past
The present looms so dark
But the future is, what's truly terrifying
A blank page, not a single mark.

What do I do? Who do I blame?
Where do I go from here?
At every step, at every turn
Lurks my worst fear.

I walk alone, on the path I chose
I blindly stumble along
Is this what I once truly wanted?
Somehow, it feels so wrong.

I dreamt of a heaven, of a paradise
A life that I loved to live
Free of the evils that plagued my mind
No sins left to forgive.

But what did I get? My own little hell
The demon within me stirs
The line between right and wrong
Once clear, now it blurs.

How did I end up where I stand right now?
Why do I feel less alive than dead?
How am I supposed to see what's unseen?
And hear what's been left unsaid?

Its time to give up
Its time to say goodbye
Its time to embrace the truth
Cause its my time to die.

I head towards the light
The coldness seeps into each bone
But then I hear a faint, pleading voice
One long forgotten but which I had once known.

It was the voice of reason
It was my inner voice
And suddenly, the doubt was gone
I always have a choice.

Do what you love, love what you do
My life is mine to live
Hate may eat me up from within
But I still have love to give.

Its time to get back up
Its time to try once more
Its time to reclaim, my own life back
Its time to settle the score.

I have to prove them wrong
Fight till the fear is gone
Accepting defeat is no longer an option
I'll endure and I will go on.

I may feel weak and beaten
But I won't give up without a fight
For in the end, I know in my heart
Everything will be alright.

I look towards the rising sun
Beyond what I can comprehend
Its time for a new beginning
Or is it just another end?

One Reality

Clawing me from within
This uncertainty is killing me
My life a million pieces,
Are dreams now my reality?

Crying when I smile
Dying while I live
Deserted by the ones I love
And you expect me to forgive?

Living a nightmare every day
Escape is not a choice
I try to shout out for help
But why can't anyone hear my voice?

Awake and yet, I am in slumber
My eyes wide open but my mind is asleep
I try to smile, it gives me some hope
Then why does my heart continue to weep?

Tears of joy, a stray sad smile
Hope riding on a few drops of rain
A ray of light shining through the dark
How will I live through all this pain?

The light flickers and then fades out
The rain slows down and then its gone
I lie in a corner, I cry in the dark
If I'm dead inside, how can my life go on?

Tell me the answers, tell me the truth
I hope this isn't something that you would make up.
Is this the only way to know,
Must I really die to truly wake up?

Reality is overrated
Who decides what's wrong and what's right?
I close my eyes and open my mind
And wait for the night.

Infected

Each drop of rain, the warmth of the sun
Every gust of wind, the silver moonlight
I'd give it up, for you, I would
But are you really worth the sacrifice?

Every step taken towards you
Towards my doom it sends
I'm at the edge, and yet I can't stop
Is this how you'd thought it ends?

What happened to forever?
What happened to the promises,
That were never to be broken?
What changed us so much?
What made us utter those words,
That were never to be spoken?

I'm confused. I'm lost.
Don't know what to say
I need a savior right now
But you need to go away.

My eyes are still damp
My heart still aches
Weighed down, by all this guilt
That stems from my mistakes.

You were like a tiny raindrop
You were once the warmth in my life
The gust of wind that blew through my hair
You were my silver moonlight.

I want you, I need you
Please come back to me
Love me or kill me
But please just set me free.

I am heartless, I am soulless
Just leave me alone
Stab me or save me
Still have no one to call my own.

Disorientation hits me
As I try to stand
Realization dawns
As I look for your hand.

I love you and hate you
On the very same page
You've filled my heart
With passion and blind rage.

You gave me a dream to hold on to
I kept it alive, despite all my flaws
Only to watch as it inexplicably vanished
An illusion is what it truly was.

This isn't love, not anymore
This isn't the heaven we built
You see this lie, that you call life?
The fantasy is dead, all that's left is the guilt.

I am numb, I am tired,
I am dead.
I am beaten, I have lost,
I am infected.

You

Every time I stumble
Every time I trip
Every time I falter
Every time I slip.

Your hand extends, down to help
Your heart comes out to me
To pull me up, back onto my feet
And rid me of my misery

I loved and then I lost
I sat and cried for hours
You made me smile that night, you know?
As I lay under those stars.

I asked you for a shoulder
You picked me up instead
I felt like I meant the world to you
When I thought I was better off dead.

I'm sad, you make me laugh
I cry, you understand
I'm mad, you let me blow off my rage
I'm lost, you hold my hand.

For every time you've been there for me
Together till the end
For everything you've done for me
Together forever, my friend.

Past Mistakes

Lies, deceit and all my sins
All the times I've failed
To relive our love story
My heart now lies impaled

Our love flashes before my eyes
Over the past my heart now frets
At all the betrayals and heartbreaks
And a million past regrets

The sadness envelops my heart
No matter how hard I try
To reject it, along with you, from my life
All I can do is wonder why.

Death gleefully beckons to me
Life now says farewell
Paradise slips from my grasp
As I slip into hell.

My demons come to haunt me now
The devil takes over my soul
My mind, overpowered, by the darkness
Misery now, takes its toll.

Save me, from this torture
Rescue me, from my demise
Free me, from this web I've spun
With a million little lies.

Point the knife at my heart
Hold the gun to my head
Thrust the blade, pull the trigger
Can I die if I'm already dead?

The hatred sears through my body
Revenge shivers under my skin
Anger burns in my every thought
Despair tears me, from within.

I lie alone, as the sunlight fades
My dying heart now breaks
As I think back, to our love story
And a million past mistakes.

The Last Raindrop

Looking through the frosted window
Looking and yet not truly seeing
Contemplating life's next move
Picking up the broken pieces
Once the essence, of my true being.

The drops of rain
so clear and serene
Like a heart, free of all evil
Like a newborn child, for who
Life's darkness, is still unseen.

The clouds, they gather and form a ball
Of darkness and fury and rage
And the sunlight,
Finds no escape
From this hideous, twisted cage.

And yet I stand, beneath this gloom
And drench my wounded soul
In the ethereal drops
From heaven they fall
And down my face they roll.

Like ice it stings, every drop
Like a painful, poisonous bite
From a snake
A snake within me
That I can never fight.

The cleansing has commenced, I know
My soul starts shedding its layers
Till all that remains
Is truly me
I say my final prayers.

I pray to no god, no spirit, no maker
I pray to no one for salvation
I pray to myself
To my true being,
The essence of my creation.

The downpour gains a lethal fury
That mankind has never known
The end of the days
Upon us, has set
The last calm breeze has blown.

The earth, it groans, and then cracks up
Remorseless as it destroys
Everything,
That crosses its path
Against nature, work no ploys.

Fires raging, at every step
Fueled by rains of acid
I start running
In my blind panic
Till I notice my soul's still placid.

The destruction is not around me
The fires all rage within
The acid is inside me
Each crack,
Another sin.

I stand up now, with renewed vigor
Ready, with a fresh new will
To take on my fears
Both around and within
To conquer the unconquerable hill.

I look through the frosted window
At the raindrops, as they fall
Looking and also seeing
My soul now, pure and true
I stand here and wait for you.

Preserve the Shreds

Sitting in the clearing
Tears roll down my cheek
And lose themselves amidst the raindrops
As I wonder what I seek

The night tries to tempt me
and for once, I want to die
Loosen myself from life's embrace
Under that starry sky

It all seems torn to pieces
I hang onto the threads.
It all feels so futile
And yet, I preserve the shreds


My heart begins to race
My mind, rotten with fears
The wind blows through my hair
All sense disappears

The earth beneath my feet
The moonlit sky above
Nothing I could ever hate
But nobody to love

The pain is unbearable
As my foot carefully treads
Upon the shards of my life I loathe
And yet, I preserve the shreds.


Its not love which carves my path
Nor hope which causes my actions
Its something within, making me hold on
To these fatal attractions

A star shoots across the sky
I wish for nothing tonight
Cause I know if I did, I'd wish to die
Under the silver moonlight

Love made me, then it broke me
Its what my heart now dreads
It burnt away everything I had
And yet, I preserve the shreds.


Why do I live, another day?
What purpose does my life serve?
What does all this really mean?
Is this what I deserve?

Terrified of life,
Yet fearful of death
Suffocating every minute
Yet I take another breath

My hopes lie shattered like me
My dreams, murdered in their beds
My life broken into a million pieces
And yet, I preserve the shreds.


Above me, the sun now dawns
In my heart, the warmth now spreads
The past, though, must not be forgotten
And so, I preserve the shreds.

Last

I never thought it'd come to this
But i can't think of another way out
I'm completely spent, I've given up trying
my mind is now rotten with doubt.

The blade in my hand glistens in the light
with a flash it tastes my blood
My heartbeat rises, then falls again
till i can barely hear it's thud.

This is the last time i write for you
it's the last time i ever write again
i hurt you and so you broke me
I guess i really do deserve this pain.

My life flashes before my eyes
Most of which is just you and me
you're all i had, I'll ever have
but i guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Night

Because the night must pass before the dawn may arrive
the dark and the light can't share the sky,
the moon must hide before the sun can rise
for the day to be born, the night must die.

The stars must dull for the sun to shine
the owl must sleep for the rooster to crow,
for the butterflies to start flying about
the fireflies must cease to glow.

It's time to awaken from our slumbers
it's time to let our minds take flight,
it's time to embrace this fresh, new day
it's time to let go, it's the end of the night.

A Life of Hope

Of all the days
I've lived till now
Today's most apt for dying
Integrity
May not sound like me
But right now, I'm not lying

I just can't live
I just can't love
And its not dying I fear
The pain's too much
My bleeding heart I clutch
Impaled, as if, by a spear

Impaired, I struggle
Up to my feet
And try to catch my breath
Agony
Overcomes me
As I face off with death

Not death
Nor pain, I do fear
Its the sadness inside your heart
That drowns me
In true misery
Threatening to tear me apart

And yet, I know
its my own doing
that's led us down this path
But deep within
I know love will win
If I survive the aftermath

I refuse however,
To give up hope
No matter how bleak the light
Till our hearts meet
Or mine ceases to beat
I follow you, into the night

Untitled

Standing under the infinite skies
Thinking about my endless lies
I look down in misery
And a tear rolls down my cheek.

The moonlight begins to fade
As I ponder the mistakes I've made
I've lost you forever
Now you're all that I seek.

The hurt that I have caused
The trust that you have lost
A star shoots across the horizon
Suddenly, the world goes bleak.

I close my eyes and all I see
Is your beautiful smile that I love
The very smile I wiped off your face
What amazing irony.

The guilt comes crashing down
And across my chest it heaves
With a crushing force that makes me scream
In pain and agony.

I've made my last mistake
I've hurt you for the last time
My very last lie I've spoken
Never again, I promise , Angel
I can't live with us apart
I'll fix everything I've broken
But please don't break my heart.

The Hills

I went to the hills and i cried
I let it all flow out
tried to lose the fear and the misery
and get rid of all the doubt.

I sat on a cliff
And watched the rising sun
and thought of all that I have done.

And smiled to myself as I got back up
thankful for all I've got
cause I love and I am loved
and that's what matters a lot

I went to the hills to jump off that cliff
and free myself from the sorrow
but I ended up freeing my mind from it all
I'll go back to those hills tomorrow..

Goodbye

Sometimes, the end just creeps upon you
taking you by surprise
it burns your whole life down
right in front of your eyes

I can see my world collapsing
I can see you walking away
I can see the lights dimming
as I reach the end of my day

I wish I knew where things went wrong
when did they go out of hand?
Why couldn't things just keep on going
the way that we had planned?

I guess these questions are pointless
what's done can't be undone
and the truth won't change no matter how far
i decide to run

Don't mourn over our love
there's nothing left to save
no time for tears or hurried last wishes
it's time to hit the grave.

Can't hold on Anymore

How life can destroy
in a moment or two,
what took me a lifetime
to create for you..
Now that everything's gone,
I've no reason to live,
got nothing to lose
got nothing to give..
Can't live without love
the tears continue to drop,
can't heal anymore
the bleeding won't stop..
Lost out in the world
and all the hope's gone,
no one left to love me,
no shoulder to lean on..
How I wish I'd had
the time to say,
a goodbye, before fate,
took you away...

What kills me the most

The sun shines feebly across the sky
then gives up with a sigh
I scan the horizon with a sweeping gaze
search my mind to recollect those days

Can't you raise your eyes and look at me?
see the things you've left to see?
Why do you pretend as if I never mattered?
Admit your life's broken and the pieces are all scattered

What kills me the most is the way you used me
you said you loved me and then you abused me.
Wish I'd known you were just playing with my heart
wish I'd known you'd just break me apart

I'm completely numb, can't feel any pain
I'm drenched to the skin yet I can't see the rain.
The world has changed, I've been left behind
you're out of my life but you're still on my mind.

The gloom has subdued and broken my soul
the darkness has swallowed me whole
Can't remember the things you said
I might look alive but I'm dead.

What kills me the most is that I never had a chance
what I thought was our love was a one-sided romance
I've even started doubting the sweet words you once shared
I don't think you ever meant them, or really even cared

Why'd you do this to me? I don't understand
did things just happen or was all of this planned?
Don't you realize, how much you've hurt me?
never thought when I'd need you would be when you'd desert me

I hope you're happy to see me broken this way
don't think I can make it through one more day
Never thought my love would someday turn to hate
I Quit. My life is now up to fate

What kills me the most isn't the way you left me
or the feeling I'll always be alone
It's got nothing to do with what's false and what's true
what kills me the most is you.